We have been talking about mental health. I am personally shocked by Cheslie Kryst’s suicide – I mean she was perfect in our eyes, right?! Or maybe not so much…I did a free “Happiness” course early last year, in a nutshell we were taught that money, being thin, material things etc don’t necessarily make us happy. It’s other, believe it or not, very small and simple things.
Her mom describes Cheslie as someone who had “high functioning depression”…what is that I thought? I went back to a memory where my brother was admitted into a mental institution, and the doctors asked if there was a history of mental illness in our family, so I looked at my mom, and she blurted out “HA SE NNA, HA SE NNA!!”, looking seriously guilty, I laughed on the inside. And then she continued and said she thought it (bohlanya) was from my dad’s side of the family, and asked if I remembered a crazy aunt from Makhalaneng who said she doesn’t have to wear skirts that go beneath her knees because she wasn’t married. She laughed, we laughed.
Growing up in a family of people who are mentally ill (myself included), can be fun. We spent most of the time laughing at ourselves, I swear, anytime anyone did anything “crazy”, we laughed it off. We even convinced ourselves that there is nothing wrong with us, corruption, greed et al from our leaders, and they acting like its normal. We live in a society where grown men sleep with children. To us, those were the crazy people. The people around us seemed to be doing way more than us – I agree, still, I have my moments and don’t have a lot of friends because I have trust issues. I have my demons and illusions, I have my share of bad decisions, but I haven’t killed anyone, I don’t rape children, I don’t steal and have a few other commandments checked. So, to me, I’m good. I do go to therapy to deal with deep rooted issues, but all in all, I still maintain that the people we call crazy, are not, they are just different. And normally when we don’t know or understand something, we rule it off as wrong.
There is nothing wrong with the world, or people who check out early. This world can drive people crazy, if I imagine Cheslie’s case, a beautiful, intelligent lady, who was probably asked to do things that didn’t match her values in order to survive. Maybe she thought she was in too deep. I have friends who are models, and they have described the life ~ what it takes to look like that, the lines they have to sniff to curb their appetite, the tricks they have to turn to get favors. To what end, she probably thought, and decided to end this life, and try again, in a different world.
I have no idea what she went through, but I do know what it feels like to have suicidal thoughts. Perhaps I am still here because I reached out to someone who helped me see through the day, and to find meaning in that shallow pain.
May this post inspire you to get the help that you may need. Perhaps you can reach out to someone who is always strong!
#depression #suicide #mentalhealth #craecrae #disability